[ keigo hated this inordinate focus on himself in these moments, but he was still working through it to allow himself to be more emotionally vulnerable to renji in this way. he owed it to him, after all, and keigo didn't want to impart any implication of not being transparent with him.

but it was still so difficult. he thought about all the time he spent with sougo, all the emotions and shared feelings and support they gave each other. it was all gone. wiped away as if it never happened. all the effort and all the investment, like dust in the wind.

it made everything feel futile.

but renji was there, and renji was imparting to him the support he craved and desperately needed in that moment. he felt the comforting weight of his hand against his back and shoulders, and it was like a lever had been pulled, one that had been too rusted and lodged for keigo to have moved on his own. it let out the deluge of emotions he had been keeping so tightly in check the moment he left sougo's presence in the form of a shuddering sound and an emotional release of tears. ]

He doesn't remember me...! [ he tried to keep his voice tempered, but the overwhelming sense of loss was too great. ] It's like I never existed! Why doesn't he remember? [ he lifted his head up and stared at renji, eyes shining with tears and jaw set into a tight grimace. ] Why do you remember but he doesn't? [ he really ... didn't know if he wanted and answer to that, in all honesty. ]